Blog Posts

So... I have a new blog up and running using WordPress!
I'll try to migrate my Blogger posts to this one one by one eventually.

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don't we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It's more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4" bigger.
13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you?
20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
29. Every heard of clearasil?
30. All right, a treasure hunt!
31. I didn't know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you?
33. At least this won't take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this?
36. But it still works, right?
37. Damn, I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
45. Aww, it's hiding.
46. Are you cold?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion?
49. What is that?
50. I'll go get the ketchup for your French fry.
51. Were you neutered?
52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump?
54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button?
60. Where's the rest of it?

A man was riding his motorcycle along a beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said: 'Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.' The biker pulled over and said: 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over any time I want.'

The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take!
'It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.'
The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy.'
The Lord replied: 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?'

Took them long enough...
August 4, 2007! They've been engaged for about 15 years now.. now that's what I call a prolonged engagement.

Normally, a static class in ActionScript 3.0 can't dispatch events, since you can't inherit from EventDispatcher or implement IEventDispatcher if the functions are a static.
However, with ActionScript 3.0, you can create an EventDispatcher object to do the dispatching for you!

package {
import flash.events.EventDispatcher;
public class StaticEventDispatcher {
public static var eventEngine:EventDispatcher;
public static function initialize():void
{
eventEngine = new EventDispatcher();
}
}
}

No, its not about their Indian accents :). I used their Dell Online chat. At first they tried saying my particular problem was with the software (impossible, it does the same thing in Linux and Windows, and even in the BIOS screens when no hard drive is even attached!)
Took me an hour to get some sense into the tech's brains that it was a hardware issue. I have a Dell dispatch number now. Going to have them pick up my old laptop for repairs. When I get it back, time for some fun :). Get my mom to start using Ubuntu or something.

My life is basically work. I wake up, goto work, go home, sleep, repeat.
Well, at work, we're working really hard on the AdWonder 9.0 release of our "Flash Component", encompassing multiple technologies all integrated together. The problem with AW 9.0 is that's its an almost total rewrite of the 8.x line (8.0, and now 8.1), which was definely a total rewrite of the previous internal only version wrote by a previous employee. However, since we got a fully functional 8.1 release out, we have a good basis to use for the rewrite (which is actually a hybrid rewrite/port from Flash 8 / AS 2.0 for the panel and component portions to Flex 2 / AS 3.0 for the panel, and Flash 9 / AS 3.0 and Flash 9 / AS 2.0 (tho still compatible with Flash 8).
We're working hard! And while you're at it, visit the AdWonder community at www.unleashthewonder.com!

Tila Tequila would know everyone in the whole world.
You would struggle over the time it takes someone you like to crack your top 8.
19 year old boys wouldn't own shirts and 19 year old girls would not own pants.
If you're a fat girl, people would only see you from the shoulders up.
People would be able to photoshop out pimples on their face.
Girls would always be posing, cheeks sucked in and lips puckered two feet off their face.
Your attraction to someone would be based on their favorite clothing label, their favorite band, and a survey.
All females are bi and all males drive import muscle cars.
Most people would walk around with a full size mirror 2 feet in front of them.
Your driver's license would have hearts around your name or quote from an emo song.
The phrases "Yo," "your hawt," or "hit me back some time" would attract the opposite sex.
Bands with 3 song demos could book stadium tours.
Lesbian women would not allow anyone with a penis within 50 yards of them, not even to deliver a pizza.
It would be perfectly acceptable to blurt out any random filthy perverse sexual thought at any random woman/man you thought was "hawt" as a first greeting.
It would be no more unusual to see a man walking around displaying his erect, naked penis than it would be to see random women running around in a g-string w/nothing covering their breasts but their hands.
You would look your very best at all times.
Some people would be holding their right arm out straight in front of them at all times.
Everyone would make $100,000 a year or higher.
There would be alot of underage strippers in the world
There would be a lot of youthful looking 99 year olds.
Blogs would be required reading and any random thought in your head would be shared with everyone.
Everywhere you would walk, an image of Angelina Jolie would be behind you.
Forbidden would actually be hot.
You'd have a friend named Tom creepily following you around giving you bad news constantly.
It wouldn't be odd to have Brad Pitt in your circle of friends.
Hello Kitty would be a real person.
Conversations would sound like this "How are you?" Sent. "Good, how are you?" Replied.
During a long conversation you'd have to say "Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: all right, well call me later."
When it was time for bed you would say you're "Undergoing Maintenance."
You would have to paint your walls using Thomas Myspace Editor codes in your apartment.
Stewie from Family Guy would be your best friend.
In your circle of friends you would hang out with Scottsdale bars and clothing lines.
When someone said something funny, you'd actually roll around on the floor and laugh your fucking ass off. (ok now thats fucking funny!!!)
"Friend Whoring" is equal to STD's.
"Fuckin MySpace!" is the only universally known term in any language to show anger.
At nights when you are asleep you would get people running in your room that you don't know saying. "It's 4 a.m., I can't sleep, someone talk to me."
Bands go to your house and ask you to give them a listen because they see that you like a band they sound nothing like.
Anytime you walk into someones house they have the same video or song playing all the time, non-stop for three months straight.
People would run up to you, tell you a random message, and you'd have 17 minutes and 13 seconds to pass it along before a ghost came to your house and raped your dog.
People would inexplicably be stuck in their homes for hours unable communicate with the out side world because some asshole put up a large white wall in front of every door and window with a note attached saying Sorry but and unexpected error has occurred.

I stood in line at MicroCenter for 8 hours (10 PM - 6 AM) on Friday morning to score an amazing deal on a 32" LCD HDTV with built in ATSC tuner!
I was number 19 in line, and thus I scored one. w00t! w00t!
Thank you fatwallet.com for informing me of this amazing deal!

I'll be living at 800-H of Sterling Highlands in Kennesaw, GA by the end of the year. My move-in date is December 15th. Cool thing is, I don't have to pay a dime in rent. The company I work for is going to pay for it.
Thank You EyeWonder!