Life is hard

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been adjusting to the single life after 3 years of being not-single. I can tell you, its hard. (And sometimes I wish I could turn the clock by a few months and try a different approach to preventing the break up that is the cause of me being single now).

So, I’m trying to get back in to the dating scene, which is immensely crazy. I don’t think I have many requirements for a girl, but its immensely hard to find a girl that seems to fit:
1. Age of at least 19, up to 24 at the most. I don’t mind an older girlfriend, my ex-fiance was a few months older than me (even though most of the time you’d never know it)
2. Must be able to think on their own and have intelligent conversation. I think with modern technology being so intertwined with people my age, the ability to think has gone away.
3. Preferably a geek… video games, computers, anime, anything… Makes it much easier to relate to
Why is it so hard to find someone like that?

Life Updates

Over the past few months, my life has changed quite a bit, some for the better, some for worse. I’d like to share some of this for the (very small amount of) people who read this.

It all started April 18, 2009. My mother got deathly ill and was admitted to Wellstar Kennestone Hospital in Marietta, GA. For the next few days, she was monitored. On Monday, April 20, 2009, her doctors determined that her lungs have failed and was no longer able to filter out the carbon dioxide out of her bloodstream. They transferred her to Tranquility in Austell, GA to live out the rest of her days. On Thursday April 23, 2009, during a bad thunderstorm, she passed away around 9 PM in her sleep. Her services was that weekend, and life changed for the worst.
At first, I had some help from my fiance Shelley Grey (at the time) and my friends. Shelley helped me pull through, and I was able to function somewhat normally and life started to look a bit brighter.
May 2nd, I woke up to $150 in my bank account after paying my bills. I needed groceries. Shelley wanted some money for something or another. As any sane person with the will to live would do, I bought groceries, since the alternative was starving, and that really isn’t an alternative. Well, Shelley was not happy about that at all. We argued, bicked, etc.., but like always, things cooled off, and things started getting better, or so I thought.
Friday May 8th. Tony (one of the housemates) and I had dinner at Ryan’s steakhouse using a little bit of money I had stashed away. Around 8 PM, I received the text message that was the beginning of the end of the most important part of my life. Translating so that it makes sense out of context, it basically was a text message from Shelley that said “You have no importance in my life”. Remember, at the time, we were together for 37 months (3 years + 1 month), and engaged for 31 months (2.5 years or so) of that. Also remember this was only 15 days after my mother died, so I was obviously still in the grieving stage. Who does a person look to for comfort when they lost someone that meant the world to them? Normally, its the person they are closest to, which was for me, my fiance, rightly so. When you are engaged to someone, you kind of take as a given that you are important to them.
After that, I tried in earnest to get things patched up between us, since something was obviously wrong. However, the only thing she wanted was money. She didn’t want to talk to me, and when she did, it was only because she wanted something. Things just didn’t feel right, so we basically separated and went our separate ways, with me having the hope that we’d get back together. I did love her, very much so.
However, as time went on, it kept getting more and more obvious that she basically stopped caring about me over the past few eons and only cared about the money I had. I always thought she never cared about that, since when we got together, I had none. Apparently, me spoiling her well.. spoiled her. I got fed up with it and cut her off slowly. First, her PayPal card. Second, I had my debit card number changed and had an official breach of contract notice sent to her about a contract we entered into a few years ago that she broke but I never said anything before about. After this, I offered her one last chance to work things out. However, her greed just showed through. She obviously didn’t want me anymore, and well.. I don’t want to be with someone just because they like my money.
For anyone reading this, this is a word of warning for everyone in a relationship or planning on being in a relationship with someone:
  • Play with fire, and you get burned. Don’t break someone’s heart if you want something. You won’t get it. Ever.
  • If you have a contract with a lover to pay something for you, don’t go doing things that voids the contract. The lover will probably still pay it while you are together out of love, but once that stops, well… sorry
  • Don’t expect someone who is passive and refuses to defend himself to you to stay that way once you stab them in the heart and rip it to shreds.
  • Don’t expect someone you love to put your wants before their needs, even if they did so in the past. I think this was Shelley’s first mistake.
  • Don’t play the priorities card if your priorities out of wack. If you expect to be first in someone’s life, at least pretend that person is first in yours. And definely don’t expect it after you tell them they are unimportant to you.
To sum things up, I am single now, for the first time since March 2006. I didn’t want to end the  relationship I had until it became apparent that the other party no longer wanted a relationship that was based on love. And yes, I still love Shelley Grey. I probably will for a long time. She was the most important person in my life for over 3 years. However, I’m ready to put her behind me and move on, if only so that I stop feeling the pain she put me through.

End of an Era

As many of you may have already heard about, id Software was sold on June 24, 2009 to ZeniMax Media, the owners of Bethesda Softworks of Fallout 3 fame. In the past, id Software fought to keep its independence, especially from the major publishers of its games (Midway Games, Activision, and EA).
Some history on id Software: id Software was founded Febuary 1991 by 4 former employees of Softdisk: John Carmack, John Romero, Tom Hall, and Adrian Carmack (not related to John Carmack). id Software’s first game was Commander Keen, created and published before the creation of the company. This title was followed shortly by Wolfenstein 3D, first published in 1992, which created the 3D first person shooter genre made popular today by titles such as Halo and Call of Duty. Predating modern 3D graphic accelerator cards, it used a ray casting technique developed by John Carmack, running with fairly realistic (for the era) 3D graphics on relatively weak computers for the time. First forward 18 months, and another game that people still remember today, Doom, was released, which upped the graphics quality and introduced realistic and graphic violence in computer games. The third major series to be released by id has been the Quake series, first released in 1996, with a cutting edge real 3D engine and featuring music and sound effects by Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails, it was a feast for the eyes and ears.
What does the buyout mean for id’s works? ZeniMax promised that they’d let id manage itself for now, with John Carmack still the lead technical director. ZeniMax does bring one important benefit to id: they can now publish their own games, so they get both revenue from developing the game and from publishing the game. Currently, all sales are through a third party publisher (Activision and EA for the physical copies, Steam for online distributed versions), so hopefully the potential increase of revenue will help fund the creation of more new and exciting games from id. ZeniMax also benefits from the acquisition of id’s powerful game engine technology. One thing though: Carmack always released his engines as open source after about 5 years when licensees of the technology ceased. Let’s hope ZeniMax lets him continue this tradition.
Please note: you can find Wolfenstein 3D and Doom on XBOX Live Marketplace and Steam.