Yay, things are getting better..
September 27th, 2005
I believe things between me and her are getting better. I pray so at least.
Well, got a portfolio to finish. Haygood out.
I’m such a screwup!
September 26th, 2005
God, I hate myself!
So, the one chance I had to be happy in 4 years, and I blow it! Better yet, I don’t even know I did to blow it, or even how to fix it, except to sit here, heartbroken, crying my lungs out, and waiting. All because I can’t control how excited I get over some things is the best of my guess. God, I hate myself! Why does this hurt so God damn much? Can anyone tell me? I feel like jumping off the next nearest bridge, but I’m not, because I’m stronger than that. I have to be strong, to show the world I’m not some fuck up little accicent caused by a drunken high teenage whore and an opportunistic teenage guy 18 fucking years ago, to show the person I love more than anyone else that I may not be perfect, but I’m still perfectly capable of trying my best and to love. Why do I always have to mess things up? WHY!? Can someone tell me what the hell is wrong with me? I don’t even know what’s wrong with me!!! How can I change if I don’t know what causes me to always screw up! She always tells me that I should give up, find someone else. Maybe I don’t want to, just maybe she is the only person who makes me happy. I’ve already accepted the fact that I can’t be what she needs, or what she wants, but I at least want to try for a while. So, I was going to spend the weekend with her, and I got to excited, like I always do, then she claims I’m obsessed, and she doesn’t want to talk to me saying she has to much on her. Well, I have to much on me to, but I’d rather try to help her than try to fix my own problems. Why do I always set myself up to be hurt? Why can’t people believe me? And more than anything, why does everything I do innocently and without thinking always get twisted and turned into something bad that ends up causing everyone so much pain? I don’t want to hurt people, especially her. Yet I always end up hurting her and thus myself, and I don’t even know what I did that caused it.
Rain Rain Go Away
September 26th, 2005
Well, it’s raining quite heavily here in beautiful Marietta, GA. I had to stop by the SPSU bookstore earlier to buy an umbrella to use just to walk around campus without getting soaked, which I did before I bought the umbrella.
Well, I’m out for a while. Need to *cough* study for a Computer Science exam in 50 minutes or so. Feel glad to distract me if you read this often (like anyone does anyway)
My Day
September 25th, 2005
Been a while since I posted, but felt like I’d give a rundown of my day
- Woke up
- Went to Dollar General to buy stuff for my mom
- Went to Save-A-Lot and bought cig’s for my mom’s friend Wanda (hey, I am old enough to buy them even though I am smart enough to not smoke them)
- Went to Sam’s Club
- Went to my grandpa’s
- Ate at Ci Ci’s Pizza… had to be at least 20 of us there
- Came back home
- Sitting here waiting…
Pretty Promise (Lie)
September 20th, 2005
Pretty Promise (Lie) by Sarie
Over and over again I’ll trip
Over your pretty lies
That you disguise as a promise
Laced with the thought of bliss
Whispers toned with smiles
Told the pretty promises
Of what you’ll do for me
All fake; but I didn’t see
Along his way to save me
He lost his shining way:
My crimson knight
And left me without a smiling light
My friend Sarie wrote this. She gave me permission to repost it. She originally posted the poem here.
Updates On My Life
September 18th, 2005
- I might be getting a job at Best Buy’s Geek Squad soon. I really could use the money right now!
- I’m spending the weekend of October 1st with my friend Jen Jen. I’m so excited!
- I’m going to the Nintendo Fusion Tour on October 16th, as well as the Death Cab for Cutie tour on October 29th.