I believe things between me and her are getting better. I pray so at least.
Well, got a portfolio to finish. Haygood out.
September 2005 Archives
God, I hate myself!
So, the one chance I had to be happy in 4 years, and I blow it! Better yet, I don't even know I did to blow it, or even how to fix it, except to sit here, heartbroken, crying my lungs out, and waiting. All because I can't control how excited I get over some things is the best of my guess. God, I hate myself! Why does this hurt so God damn much? Can anyone tell me? I feel like jumping off the next nearest bridge, but I'm not, because I'm stronger than that. I have to be strong, to show the world I'm not some fuck up little accicent caused by a drunken high teenage whore and an opportunistic teenage guy 18 fucking years ago, to show the person I love more than anyone else that I may not be perfect, but I'm still perfectly capable of trying my best and to love. Why do I always have to mess things up? WHY!? Can someone tell me what the hell is wrong with me? I don't even know what's wrong with me!!! How can I change if I don't know what causes me to always screw up! She always tells me that I should give up, find someone else. Maybe I don't want to, just maybe she is the only person who makes me happy. I've already accepted the fact that I can't be what she needs, or what she wants, but I at least want to try for a while. So, I was going to spend the weekend with her, and I got to excited, like I always do, then she claims I'm obsessed, and she doesn't want to talk to me saying she has to much on her. Well, I have to much on me to, but I'd rather try to help her than try to fix my own problems. Why do I always set myself up to be hurt? Why can't people believe me? And more than anything, why does everything I do innocently and without thinking always get twisted and turned into something bad that ends up causing everyone so much pain? I don't want to hurt people, especially her. Yet I always end up hurting her and thus myself, and I don't even know what I did that caused it.
Well, it's raining quite heavily here in beautiful Marietta, GA. I had to stop by the SPSU bookstore earlier to buy an umbrella to use just to walk around campus without getting soaked, which I did before I bought the umbrella.
Well, I'm out for a while. Need to *cough* study for a Computer Science exam in 50 minutes or so. Feel glad to distract me if you read this often (like anyone does anyway)
Been a while since I posted, but felt like I'd give a rundown of my day
- Woke up
- Went to Dollar General to buy stuff for my mom
- Went to Save-A-Lot and bought cig's for my mom's friend Wanda (hey, I am old enough to buy them even though I am smart enough to not smoke them)
- Went to Sam's Club
- Went to my grandpa's
- Ate at Ci Ci's Pizza... had to be at least 20 of us there
- Came back home
- Sitting here waiting...
Jason Sleeping...
Dwidnel Sleeping..
Don't you just love blackmail?
More news later
Pretty Promise (Lie) by Sarie
Over and over again Iâll trip
Over your pretty lies
That you disguise as a promise
Laced with the thought of bliss
Whispers toned with smiles
Told the pretty promises
Of what youâll do for me
All fake; but I didnât see
Along his way to save me
He lost his shining way:
My crimson knight
And left me without a smiling light
My friend Sarie wrote this. She gave me permission to repost it. She originally posted the poem here.
- I might be getting a job at Best Buy's Geek Squad soon. I really could use the money right now!
- I'm spending the weekend of October 1st with my friend Jen Jen. I'm so excited!
- I'm going to the Nintendo Fusion Tour on October 16th, as well as the Death Cab for Cutie tour on October 29th.
Yay, I might make some money now!
I thought you would enjoy this:
It has been known for many years that Sex was good exercise, but until now nobody had made a scientific study of the calorie content of different sexual activities. Now after "original and proprietary" research the results are in:
REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent...............................12 Calories
Without her consent..........................2187 Calories
OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands................................8 Calories
With one hand.................................12 Calories
With your teeth..............................485 Calories
PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection...............................6 Calories
Without an erection.........................3315 Calories
PRELIMINARIES:
Trying to find the clitoris.....................8 Calories
Trying to find the G-Spot...................4092 Calories
POSITIONS:
Missionary......................................12 Calories
69 lying down..................................78 Calories
69 standing up................................812 Calories
Wheelbarrow...................................216 Calories
Doggy Style...................................326 Calories
Italian chandelier...........................2912 Calories
ORGASMS:
Real..........................................112 Calories
Fake.........................................1315 Calories
POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging..................................................18
Calories
Getting up immediately..............................................36
Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately...........816 Calories
GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:
If you are:
20-29 years....................................36 Calories
30-39 years....................................80 Calories
40-49 years...................................124 Calories
50-59 years..................................1972 Calories
60-69 years..................................7916 Calories
70 and over..............................Results are still pending
DRESSING AFTERWARDS:
Calmly.........................................32 Calories
In a hurry.....................................98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door.........5218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door........13,521 Calories
How many calories are you burning?!
I just got a checking account & a savings account at Lockheed Georgia Employees' Federal Credit Union. $500 in checking, $50 in savings. Highlight of my day.
Big screen & xbox is awesome
I finally have a working air conditioner for my car. W00TAGE!
I'm sick. I've been sick. I was sick yesterday, on Labor Day, and thus did not goto the BBQs I had planned to go on to. I was still sick this morning, and thus did not go to school. Hopefully, it won't count against me that much.
On a better note, my car is currently in the shop getting its A/C fixed, I did my Comp Sci I project, and my best friend is almost 17.
Update:
Kirstea turns 16 in a few months.
The globe at southern polytechnic state university
